Ingenious Thoughts.

I had nowhere to input these ingenious thoughts, so I’m giving a few quick thoughts on my blog. These would have been great ideas for stories, but they still need a lot of work to fully get there. Until then, enjoy my thoughts.

Pizza Parlors:

Inside the buildings of Downtown San Francisco, there lies an underground room engorged with 80s nostalgia. Vinyl records of Madonna and Prince are plastered against the wall while the stereo plays hits like Duran Duran’s “Wild Boys” and Stacey Q’s “Two of Hearts.” No, it’s not a special 80s nightclub or a black hole leading to a 80s recording studio; it is a pizza parlor. It’s the most common place to eat, but many small pizza parlors adorn themselves with the decade of Atari, vinyl records, and shoulder pads.

By definition, pizza parlors are places where pizzas are made and sold. But the décor of the 1980s is so common for the natural observant that it’s cemented in their mind. There’s not a trace of why pizza parlors are created in that form, but the decadent decade and the pizza parlor fit perfectly with the underground subculture. Many non-bourgeoisie, San Francisco-based pizza parlors are adorned with the 80s: Escape from New York in the Haight district is named after the 80s movie, Roundtable Pizzas have the arcade games, and Blondie’s Pizza is located underground with album covers of the decade.

Cursive Writing:

It just occurred to me that no one writes in cursive handwriting. What was once a painstakingly agonizing middle school practice activity has become a relic. I remember writing to distinguish my Vs to by Us, but never got it. My teacher probably reprimanded me, but really, they are oblivious to the fact that they are teaching an activity that will NEVER be used. Can they teach useful activities like online typing? Cursive Writing is mainly used for signature writing and for those people who feel the need to write chicken scratch to their superiors. Good luck.

Slow Dancing:

What song do you remember slow dancing to in middle school? Mine? Spice Girls’ “Too Much.” I remember asking a plethora of people and they’ve named songs from Ginuwine’s “Differences” to Boyz II Men’s “End of the Road.” Memories that I believe people would like to forget. Ah, yet another lost art form that is rarely used- if ever. This lost dance form harkens back to the simple times of the middle school years. I don’t even remember slow dancing in high school. But it is a lost art form in the simple practice of courting the opposite sex- then screwing them. Sure, there are places that still use slow dancing like ballroom dancing, but in the arenas of nightclubs and bars, slow dancing is simply irrelevant. I do love the description that wikipedia.com provides:

“Slow dancing” is often associated with a particular, simple style of dance performed by middle school and high school students. Foot movement is minimal, but the couple may use their feet to slowly turn on the spot. Because the dance requires little physical concentration, participants often talk to each other while dancing. Slow dancing is often considered to be just hugging and swaying, rather than an actual dance.

This simple form of slow dancing is common at dances sponsored by schools or by religious organizations, such as churches or synagogues. In Western popular culture, slow dancing can serve as a symbol of adolescent social awkwardness.”

The October Issue Of [X]Press Mag.

San Francisco State University’s magazine finally came out. And this time, we have themes. The time-honored green theme is in effect, but with unusual angles: Green Speed Dating? Yes. Scuppies? Check. Urban Beekeeping? San Francisco’s Hornblower Hybrid? Yes. And for my contribution I wrote about eco-friendly sex toys with a great emphasis on a water-assisted sex machine. It is pretty outrageous, but definitely check out the magazine, and my article

Do You Like To Do It Yourself?
Chris Huqueriza, Associate Editor and Staff Writer
October 14, 2009

The dildo. God’s gift for the lonesome. Nowadays, dildos can be created out of anything. Silicone rubber and cyberskin are traditional materials while jelly and steel become some of the unorthodox materials to think of. But with so many variations to stick into any of your orifices, sex toys are now venturing into the environmental phase. Yes, that’s right. Your dildo can now be eco-friendly.

The idea of eco-friendly sex toys was unheard of in the past, but today it’s the new wave of the future- a solar vibrator, hemp rope, Vegan Mamba latex condoms, natural lubricants. And if you want something more kinky, there’s soy-based candle wax and recyclable rubber whips. Some sex-conscious consumers are even recycling their own used condoms while others bathe or shower with their partners for water conservation.

Rachel Duquette, an SF State environmental studies major, lives the green lifestyle. As a child, she visited a waste treatment site with high levels of cancer and asthma rates in Southern California. However, it was her trip to West Africa that traumatized her as she watched the burning of trash throughout the cities, while children without shoes stepped on the waste. “That was when environmental injustice slapped me in the face,” said Duquette.

For her own pleasurable experience, she owns a re-chargeable battery vibrators, dildos, strap-ons, liquid silk lube, and recently bought restraints. “There’s not really any major green sex store,” said Duquette who visits Good Vibrations and Condom Revolution. “I usually go online.” Some of the most popular online green sex sites are Babeland, Eco-Erotics, Love Me Naturally, Smitten Kitten, and The Sensual Vegan.

With a surprisingly low level interest in sex products in a city that thrives off the health and eco trends, there are rarely any eco-sex toys available, or even on display, in San Francisco.

Martin Cooper, An SF State grad in the sculpture department at San Francisco State University, has taken the next step in eco-friendly sex projects by building a water-powered sex machine called “The Mean Green Fucking Machine #1.” Cooper conceived the idea after his kink.com model friend showed him pictures of sex machines and water bondage. “Green culture is huge,” said Cooper. “Why not combine them?”

According to Martin Cooper’s Artist Statement, “Cars, homes, businesses, even laundry detergent are marketed to us as green, so why not a fucking machine?…And what could be more luxurious and self indulgent than a machine conceived and built for the sole purpose of sexual gratification?”

After spending 20-30 hours a week in Spring 2009, he submitted his piece to the Leo D. Stillwell Exhibition and was displayed for the Martin Wong Show at the sculpture terrace in the SF State Fine Arts building. “I’ve thought about hiring a model, but it’s in the public area and we don’t want to get arrested,” said Martin. “As of now, it’s still virginal.”

The machine itself is over 9 feet tall with a base of 4 feet by 4.5 feet complete with an 8 inch dildo. While the sex machine spews water 8 feet in every direction, its body parts of recyclable bike parts, wood, and plumbing apparatus makes the sex machine the most green as it avoids using electricity and fossil fuels. For the machine to work, it’s either hand-crankable or powered by a garden hose. Cooper’s gained positive except for one complaint. “The only problem was that people were bothered by the wasting water even though the drought ended that day,” said Cooper as he evokes more of a mockery of the green culture and the commentary on the prudeness of the Victorian era.

Martin hoped to sell the Mean Green Fucking Machine to kink.com located in San Francisco with the possibility of scoring a job at the art department, but nothing prospered. After disassembling the machine, Cooper had a willing male model from Craigslist to try the Mean Green Fucking Machine. For Cooper, he’d still love to do a series of more sex machines like a pendulum powered sex machine and a wind powered sex machine.

“It’d be fucking cool if you have [the Mean Green Fucking Machine] in your sex chamber,” Duquette said with delight about Cooper’s green monolith.

Celebrating The Gay Times, With Your 16-Year-Old Self.

I usually don’t pick up any foreign magazines because the price for the magazine exceeds over $10, but UK’s Gay Times Magazine (May 2009) was celebrating its 25th Anniversary that was too good to pass up. Essentially, the editors were celebrating the meaning of being gay and our humanity. It was impressive to see the progression through some of the features as they discussed topics like internal homophobia leading to repression and suicide, the AIDS struggle, the abolishment of homosexuality as a mental disorder, civil partnership, parental acceptance, The Stonewall Riots, and, shockingly, pedophilia. Hearing that some famous people are gay like Tchaivosky, Oscar Wilde, Gore Vidal, and William Burroughs was comforting. A small feature that stood out was an interview with author of the Gay Divorcee, Paul Burston. I related to him because he discusses gay journalism as a profession/niche and his own blogging obsession.  He gave wonderful tips to be prepared to interview a celebrity, the natural progression to writing books, carrying a notebook at all times, and his opinion that marriage and civil partnership is no different to each other. It was short, but very insightful.

There were more advertisements than editorial, but the main feature sold me to buy the magazine almost  immediately: Write your 16-year-old self a letter. Many of them came from famous people like Singer Elton John, Porn-star Aiden Shaw, and Comedian Stephen Fry with the same basic message: “You are okay. You are lovable. Your gayness is not the problem you think it is.” I almost broke down to tears reading many of them. But my absolute favorite excerpt was from the author of the Devil’s Paintbrush, Jake Arnott. A brief excerpt stated:

“But I want you to know that what other people see as your mistakes in life will all contribute to your success…..Just remember: being queer is a blessing not a curse. Loving your own sex as well as the opposite isn’t a perversion, it’s a generosity of spirit. I know you’re scared of not being normal, but don’t be. You’re extraordinary, that’s all fabulous even. And you’re not alone. Don’t worry, you’ll find plenty of people out there in the world. You might not feel so happy inside right now but don’t be so hard on yourself. I’d like to say thanks for being who you are at your age. All the trouble you’re going through means that I can be who I am now. Just trust your instincts and follow your nature, wherever it leads. And I’ll try to stay true to all your hopes and dreams.”

It was heartwarming to hear as I thought about my own experiences during those agonizing times during my middle school years and attending an all-boys’ catholic school. I would love to write to myself (but at the age of 13) and give him comfort for the future and to ease those identity issues. In short, I would write:

It’s okay to listen to Madonna and Britney Spears, even though you despise sports and cars and feel isolated from the rest of the “guys,” especially your male cousins. All your demons of loneliness and wanting acceptance will slowly dissipate as you grow older. Never think there is something wrong with you because you’re attracted to the same sex.  Your trials and tribulations will shape you and make you so infinitely special. I know it’s tough because you have no one to talk to and you cry yourself to sleep some nights, but everything will fall into place. I would tell you to say “fuck it” and just be yourself, but the obstacles ahead- you will need and they will strengthen who you are. Just have faith and patience, my dear, because you will find people just like you. You are gay, and that is your ultimate strength in regards to your profession, your interactions, and your personality. Trust in your sister; she is your best confidante. And, enjoy all the girls you connect with. There are a lot of them, whom you collectively and positvely call your “fag hags.” And by the way, you look sexy in the future. =)